Too Far Gone

Thu, 06 Oct 2005 19:53:50 GMT

Wow....so I'm finally 16.....got a job, need 5 more hours so I can get my license....going on 1 year and 4 months..........(long time)........don't talk to certain people anymore....Johnny C officially loves me lol......I'm Travis' and Johnny's sugar momma :-D (long story) I have poison ivy on my face (the inside) they gave me prescription steroids.....and yea life is just peachy.......minus the fact that I'm horny as hell, b/c I have to work all the god damn time......oh well gotta support 2 people lol

Fri, 22 Jul 2005 14:26:01 GMT

Wow, it's been awhile since I last updated this thing....1 month....oh well, a lot has happened since then, I almost lost the love of my life, my best friend is finally happyily in love, my other "friend" probably wants to beat my ass, the one person that I thought loved me like they said completely fooled me, that same person completely betrayed, and fooled all of their friends, and whole hell of a lot more drama. Wow, never thought my life would ever be this eventful.

Starters:
I thought I needed my space from my boyfriend, well I was wrong, he automatically starts talking to this blonde h...wait, girl :-D, and that really bothered me, realized how much I really loved him, and basically begged him to come back (pitiful I know, but I really love him)got him back the next day, with an agonizing week to face. All he talked about was her, and how bad he felt because of what he did to her, although she never once broke up with her fiancee through out this whole ordeal. I don't think he ever once stopped to think about how I felt about him talking to and about her all the time. Although things are better, he no longer talks to her, or about her for that much, I'm no longer sick to my stomach over the whole situation either. Until just now, he mentioned her a couple of times just a minute ago...I almost want to worry, but know I have nothing to fear. Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions.

Maggie is finally in love, although she can deny this 200% I know she is. She's never been this happy before, and I'm gald for her, minus the whole acting like Domenica thing. But I'm not going to get into that. Oh well. It's cute (for now) NOTE TO MAGGIE: DON'T CONTINUE DOMENICA'S PATH PLEASE!!! (I know it's hard, but please watch yourself closely)

Ashley who is probably really pissed at me now, is so fuckin dumb to so many things......Fields has her fooled in so many ways, it's really unbelievable how dumb she is, and she takes everything Ricky says wrong, he told her the other day that he didn't hate her, but he never once denied the whole I liked your sister thing, and she thinks he doesn't hate her (whcih he totally does) ((words from him)), and he was so going after her "sister" first.....god I love dumb people.

Fields completely betrayed every single one of his friends. He's an ass, and honestly I hope he dies and rots in hell. He talks so much shit about Ashley, and he completely gave Ricky his word, as well as me. No one would really ever betray Danny, just because Danny is a good friend, and he managed to do that, and as well as Maggie. He's just fuckin using everyone. And he denies the entire thing. I know I've done some bad things in the past, but god damn not that much in a matter of 1 week.

Wow I know I so just talked a lot of shit, oh well. That's life.....oh well.....well that's been my month summed up in a couple of paragraphs. Oh yea, went to the beach sucked, back now, went camping, I thought it was fun......too many spiders though.....well that's it for now

:::::ALL AMERICAN REJECTS NEW CD IS FINALLY OUT!!!!:::::

Wed, 25 May 2005 00:46:24 GMT

Okay, so my life has totally gone to hell over the last year, what were my two best friends don't talk to eachother anymore, neither does one of them rarely talk to me which as much as I hate to say this totally sucks, my boy friend's slightly an ass whole, and wow go figure I'm just a slight screw-up........ I just realized this so yea, you can comment on it if you want.

Mon, 23 May 2005 01:16:50 GMT

LOOKY ITS PRETTY

HAHA!!! yay!!!! I fixed it....again

Mon, 23 May 2005 00:38:13 GMT

okay, weekend overview:

Friday:
3:30 pm- got me some......and into an argument (go figure)
4:00 pm- decided to head home/to Maggie's
6:00 pm- went to the Brickhouse
6:30 pm-10:30 pm- totally saw some pretty good bands, like almost nutted myself because of all the beautiful guys in that room, and saw some really hott asian lookin guy named John who plays guitar in Scenes from a Movie
10:30-????pm- waited for my bf to call finally did got into an argument (go figure)

Saturday:
11 am-woke up
12 pm-called bf got in another argument (gee go figure)
1-6 pm-went to some make-up thingy
6-10 pm- wait for bf to come over b/c he said he would (hmmm never shows)so I go to Ashley's around 8:30
10 pm- bf finally calls and says he forgot (go figure) while also saying he's going out

Sunday:
10 am- wake up
11 am- bf calls being a dick bc he only got 2 hrs of sleep (once again go fuckin figure)
12 pm- arguiing with bf (go figure again)
1-6 pm- at bfs house actually getting along (holy fuckin shit batman)
6:30 pm- talks to bf he becomes dick once again and goes to bed
currently talking to Fields realizing how much I missed out

Friday was kick ass though

Thu, 21 Apr 2005 02:24:04 GMT

okay, so Justice commented which made me really happy. God damn I miss hangin out with her so fuckin much. I mean she was able to listen without criticizing (which is awesome) I don't really have anything to say much, but yea, I'm feelin a little better, I'm not really talking to people as much as I normally do. Oh well. Gotta go, chick flick on t.v.

Tue, 19 Apr 2005 03:29:38 GMT

okay, I've completely come to terms that I'm just a shitty friend, and there really is no problem with my friends. Who would've thunk it. I think I'm just going to stop reading their journals b/c although this seems very self consuming it really bothers me what they say, I mean I never thought I was that unbearable.

Apparently I was getting irratating on Saturday/Sunday night, so Maggie left me. I really wish I wouldn't have gone. That's alright Maggie was kinda in a bitchy mood anyways, probably better that we weren't together. On a lighter note, Justice was there, I really miss her.

Maybe I should hang out with some other people for awhile, give my "friends" a break from me, because (once again self consuming) I can never really seem to do anything right, I mean sure my "friends" are "great" and my boyfriend "is too" maybe I just need a break from everything and everybody, I seem to be getting on everyones nerves.

This may sound stupid and all but I'm sitting here cryoing over something I probably could've avoided all along. Maybe I should go to my dad's for awhile. Too bad I couldn't handle it there. I think I may just take a brake away from my friends for awhile and go hang out with Kaitlynn, or someone else I can find.

God damn I just don't know what to do anymore. (self consuming) I honestly can't do anything right. I really wonder why they ("friends") still talk to me anymore. Apparently Maggie doesn't like my boyfriend, but he's been an ass hole lately, and honestly if he doesn't change I may have to take some necessary precautions.

God I feel like such a loser. I don't want to go to the beach this summer, but I have to, but now I don't want to take anyone with me, mainly because I'm afraid of uhhh......annoying them.

Oh fuck.......why do I feel like this? I mean honestly? I've been so happy for the longest time, and now it's just suddenly going down hill.

Maybe I should start doing the same shit I did last year. Maybe not. Do I really want to risk it? It's tempting, it really is. I feel like such a little kid right now. I haven't cried like this in forever......heh I really just want to go jump off a cliff or something right now. Maybe when I wake up it'll be much better. I wonder if anyone will read this......

Mon, 10 Jan 2005 15:27:25 GMT

Well gotta test tomorrow.....sweet....15% of my grade....studying tonight....don't have to take the final.....thank god!

Yay no test. Took my test in science already...I think....don't know......No test in English...

Math starts next week....that sucks...

alright gotta go

Fri, 07 Jan 2005 15:55:31 GMT

Well, hmmm.....had a powerpt presentation today in copmuters, I did good on it, got 97 out of 100 pts, the only thing I missed was 3 pts on my delivery, which I'm not good at. My pictures and everything were awesome so it's ok.

Almost became single last night, that would've sucked. I don't know why, but I still have feelings for Jeremy, and it doesn't help any that he calls me every 2 weeks. Well anyways I told Travis that nothing was bothering me, although it was, because I felt he had the right to know, but I was afraid of the outcome, so I refused to for about 2 hours, then I convinced him to call Sarah and ask, because I've talked to her about this numerous times. But all is well now.

The Jeremy thing:

I don't know why, but I think I will always have a thing for him because he was the first guy that I actually liked. That bothers me because I have this guy who loves me, and I love him, and I'm honestly afraid that I'll lose him. But I think of Jeremy everytime I hear Eminem, walk around my neighborhood (other than Maggie's hill), in my house, listen to All American Rejects (which sucks because they're my favorite band), talk to Brandon, and just god I can't not tihnk about him, because he was why I was always so depressed....and I still have feelings for him although he treated me really crappy.......god I hate hormones. It scares me to death that when Jeremy moves back that I'll see him, and fall for him again, and I don't want to lose Travis at all, I can honestly say I want to be with him for the rest of my life, but I feel bad. We decided to tell eachother everything last night, talked about who all else we've liked, and all that other stuff. I told him I would rather have screwed Jeremy than Shawver.... but I don't know.

Sun, 26 Dec 2004 22:32:22 GMT

well Christmas was ok.....got some cool stuff mainly the $$

Gifts from the mom:
$25
cords(too small)
navy-orange sweater
phat farms
pink sweater
black dress shoes (really cute too big)
Harry Potter 3
socks

Gifts from the ev- I mean nice step-father:
book explaining pencil drawings (totally awesome)
dvd - Say It Isn't S0
$50 gift card to Goodies (I can get the purse with Marilyn Monroe or that Jacket!)

Gifts from the wicked step-sisters:
Megan-
dvd- 50 First Dates
Crystal-
socks
bath stuff
Amber-
cheap stuff.....

Gifts from the sister/brother-in-law/neice/nephew-
make-up bag b/c Paige always plays in my make-up
Happy Bunny t-shirt

Gifts from boyfriend:
18 kt gold 1/3 kt diamond ring (I love him)

Gifts from boyfriend's grandma:
pink unicorn (it's so cute!)

Gifts from boyfriend's parents:
pink boustea purse (it's hot!)

Total Money Racked in:
$211

And of course did my dad give a damn about me this year? no......but then again does he ever? He at least use to call on Christmas....he didn't even send a card this year....kinda sucks

I'm gunna get a rat.....it's cute...it really is....it's black....and furry....and cute

overall I'm happy with what I got, and I did give out presents too......Paige got some kickass stuff

The lucky bitch got a Barbie kitchen set!

anyays, I'll update later and tell you how this week went.....cause god knows it'll suck..ttyl

Wed, 01 Dec 2004 15:11:36 GMT

I just realized something....when I did that whole yay thingy it ended up looking like a vagina....

Wed, 01 Dec 2004 15:03:49 GMT

wow....ok Billy thing that doesn't really involve me:

You're both being led on, because either way Maggie, hefilrts with Kaitlynn, and Kaitlynn because he doesn't like you.

(sorry bout the bluntness)

Anyways......boys are stupid.....ok maybe not.....oh well...

heh this is entertaining.....oh well....Nick has some beard thingy and he put it on his chest.....that was funny.....YAY!!

School might get out early....I doubt it, it would be nice though......heh oh well......that would be very nice....although I want to watch the movie in Science...the uhhh....Super Size Me....it's nice.....well funny....this guy from WV who now lives in NY goes on a McDonald's diet....he can only super size it if they ask....it's quite amusing, and takes up time....

Alls well that ends well.

We are watching Romeo and Juliet in English it's awesome. I love it.

I'm dressed all funny today:
1.pinkish blazer thingy...
2.yellow halter...
3.off white bra...(hehe I bet you didn't want to know that)
4.braided pig tales....
5.one bright yellow hair scrunchy at bottom with sunglasses on it (left side)
6.one bright pink hair scrunchy at bottom with sunglasses on it (right side)
7.my new/old express jeans (they're all raggidy) ((they look old vintage-ish since they are so raggedy))
8.pink/black striped underwear (bet you wanted to know that too huh?)
9.pink chucks with bl/pink striped shoe laces....
10.black socks

See I told ya I looked funny today

Well now that I'm done telling you about my fashion "mis-hap" I'm gunna go do what I'm s'posed to be doing

Tue, 23 Nov 2004 15:52:58 GMT

YAY I FIXED IT!!!!! That generally means that today'll be a good day.......that is if someone doesn't screw it up....heh oh well...

YAY!
YAY!YAY!
YAY!YAY!YAY!
YAY!YAY!YAY!YAY!
YAY!YAY!YAY!YAY!YAY!
YAY!YAY!YAY!YAY!
YAY!YAY!YAY!
YAY!YAY!
YAY!

hehe!!!

Fri, 19 Nov 2004 15:44:04 GMT

I never thought I'd say this, but I miss who I was, what I was about, I miss the old days, I mean last year was so much fun, up until that night when I went to the Cliffhanger, I mean I liked it, but I wish I wouldn't have done some of the things I had, maybe I would be different now....maybe not, either way I regret some things now, but I love some other things, I mean I would change everything but the fact that I have Travis, I love him, I just wish I would have made different choices...I wish Shawver was never part of my life, why did I let things like sex overcome me? I don't like who I am, I'm going to try to make up for everything. I swear.

Thu, 18 Nov 2004 15:23:28 GMT

Ok, wow I come to high school thinking I'm going to get away from this stuff we call drama, but people seem to keep creating it,I'm so sick of it. I just want away from it all. I'm really starting to consider dropping out. It's not like I wouldn't do anything with my life, I mean I can still drop out, get my ged, and go on to college, and get a "real" job. Or I could be like my mom, and sell vacuums and make good money.

Anyways.....you people really should know this already, I AM A BITCH GET THE FUCK OVER IT, AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT GO THE FUCK AWAY!

That comment pertains to certain people.......but oh well.....I love it when people who don't even know me call me a bitch. It's awesome.

Ok well I'm done complaining for one day.

yay!

Thu, 11 Nov 2004 15:53:15 GMT

EEE!!! IT FINALLY WORKED.....AND THE PICTURE IS PRETTY :)

Anyways, I'm at the library, because my computer is a peice of shit.....oh well

YAY! it worked!Oh yea, another good thing: No school today......yay!

Justice I'm sorry.....::tear:tear:: Guess he really did pull a Shawver? Let's kick his ass too....heh lol.....I really wanted to follow her home yesterday....oh well...some other day I guess....

heh okay....bye:-D

Wed, 10 Nov 2004 15:50:35 GMT

I love how my journal is cooperating with me, I mean seriously, it's always worked,except now.....this sucks.

Friends Friends Friends....aren't they not s'posed to talk shit about you behind you back? Hmmm....this day in age they don't seem to think this....oh well....she'll just get her ass kicked one day, and I'll laugh,if I'm not the person doing it.....oh well...

blah!

Fri, 22 Oct 2004 14:42:51 GMT

Wow, this sucks major.....

We were supposed to have an English final today that was on all of our notes, which we did, but she decided to make the questions more complex. It sucked. I more than likely failed it. She also said that if we made a 93% or higher, she would go back into the gradebook/computer and change all of our grammar grades to a 93%...so guess what I don't get? A 93%! This is the first time I've never had an A in English......hmmm this reminds me of Ms. Malcolm.....grrr....

woo!

Thu, 21 Oct 2004 14:52:06 GMT

Ok, so I'm in computers class.....it's slightly boring...I'm done with my work...like always....of course this time it was with an assignment that I more than likely won't ever use in my lifetime....but now that I said that, it will probably come around and bite me in the ass...

Ok, on a lighter note, band is almost over, thank god, I can once again have a life....that doesn't consist of me hating stuff.....well we've done pretty good this season, but I figure they probably did better last year.

Thank god...lunch time....pepperoni roll day...this so kicks butt....

Parents are still being dick heads....I hate it.... ALL of my sisters had such an easier time. They treat me so much more different. I hate it. But hey I guess I can't complain much I mean they're just wathcing out for me right? I want to try to graduate early, and if not then drop-out get my g.e.d. and go to NIT rather then spending the nest 4 years in this hell-hole just to graduate on time, and go to college, and get the same job I could with NIT......oh well...that's the way this world works I guess......heh...this is nifty...I want to emancipate myself from my parents..........therefore I would no longer have to listen to them.

BAND CAMP

Sun, 08 Aug 2004 04:44:58 GMT

ok so for the next week I'm going to be at band camp, so that means I can't update on a regular basis (not that I do anyways)

but yea

the sexy band geek is going to band camp

can we say AND THIS ONE TIME AT BAND CAMP.....

holy shit though, I have a big duffle bag, that I usually bring to my dads (mind you this I'm only at band camp for a week, and I'm usually at my dad's for up to 2 months) and my t.v. and my back pack wow that's a lot of shit that I more than likely wont use...

I hope we don't have to get up early

wow well I should probably turn in because I need to fix my bag, and such...I'm gunna put all my shirts in 1 bag (wal-mart bags) my shorts in another, my pj's in another, my day time underwear in another, and my night time in another, that way I have everything organized....ok well yea

......this is going to be one long week

Sat, 17 Jul 2004 05:28:09 GMT

ok well I figure I made a mistake.....I chose my boy friend over my friends, but I'm changing that. MAGGIE AFTER YOU'RE UNGROUNDED FOR WHAT EVER YOU DID, WE'LL DO SOMETHING TOGETHER, ((AND THIS TIME YOU CAN'T SLEEP THROUGH MY PHONE CALL!)) KAITLYNN WHEN EVER YOU PICK A DAY, AND IT'LL BE OUR DAY! (god this makes it sound like you all are my kids)

OK 3 DAYS A WEEK ARE DEDICATED TO MY FRIENDS, 3 TO MY BOYFRIEND, AND 1 TO ME! (so blah!) I guess I can have a Maggie day 1 day, a Kaitlynn day on another, and a Maggie and Kaitlynn day on another.....so blah!

big band geek

Wed, 30 Jun 2004 19:52:13 GMT

I think this is the 1st time I've ever said this, but I WANNA GO BACK TO BAND!!!!!!!! it was awesome, not only are the guys in my section very nice, and fun to be around, but I was the only female in the room. It was rather fun.

The only problem is that one of the susaphones are broken or missing a goose neck, and Luke had to play a concert tuba, I wanted to play it, but I have to get use to playing the susaphone. Kinda sucks....I need one of those neck pillows or something cause it digs into my shoulder and hurts like a bitch. I was holding it up last night with my left arm for like 2 hrs and I finally put my arm down and it popped....that hurt too.....I hit someone in the head with it....on accident.....but oh well....

I LOVE BAND!

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

section leader this yr is Luke.....he's kinda strict, but then again oh well.......he tried to get me to play by myself....I wouldn't.....he tried to get me to do push-ups too...didn't work.....heh oh well...

ok that's all....

Tue, 01 Jun 2004 05:43:32 GMT

blah shit

Sun, 16 May 2004 18:56:36 GMT

blahshit.....I think Maggie might be mad at me...don't really know....heh....guess I'll find out later...

last night was almost fun....I was the only chick for awhile, I wanted Maggie to come, but her parents were still awake at 2, and Brian didn't have survice, and we drove by like 3 times, but everytime I saw people walking around....which sucked, cause then we were going back towards Jacob and Jeremy's house, and we saw Sarah - blah! Then to make matters worse her and Brian went off somewhere, don't know what they did, but that's ok because Brian was like Maggie doesn't do anything, and Sarah does, me = Well I know who's the bigger whore around here then....I talked to Travis, everything's better now, we decided not to go out yet, until we were both sure about this, so as of now we're friends with benefits, which I guess is better than nothing, because I mean I like the whole commitment thing, but it bothers me sometimes, at least this way I don't have to worry bout him cheating on me...and about that Alisha chick...they didn't do anything....

oh yea if you don't know what I'm talking about hold on....

us = Maggie, Codi, Andrea, etc

Us.....cliffhanger.......friday..we did some shit, I told Brian about Jeremy asking me back out, he mixed my words up told Travis I was going out with him, he got pissed left, went to this one chicks house, I tried to talk to him she got on the phone called me a bitch, I hung up on her, Maggie was probably pissed off...heh woops....

Saturday...walked around...got in trouble because of Sarah, and of course she got in none, I left here at 12:30 went to Jeremy and Jacob's for awhile....went by Maggie's cause we had no service, her parents were still awake...went by Sarah's she wasn't there...or awake...went to AJ....went back to Jeremy and Jacob's....went on caffine run...saw Sarah picked her up...dropped them (Brian Jason and Sarah) off at AJ, went by Maggie's....parents still awake...went back to AJ for like an hour, went back by maggie's, gave up on her parents being asleep...went to St. Alban's till 5:30 got home at like 10 till 6....slept...till 1

Wed, 05 May 2004 03:54:07 GMT

IF YOU LOVE ME LIKE YOU SAY YOU DO, THAN LEAVE ME SOME FUCKIN COMMENTS!!!!